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When I decided to marry a Frenchman, my family’s concern was the normal one that parents have about whether their children have made the right decision; my partner’s nationality played only a minor role.
So when a neighbour took it upon herself to tell my mother that I was being an irresponsible daughter by marrying outside my “caste” and moving abroad, it upset me at many levels.
“My husband,” I replied after a while, snapping out of savouring my first-ever snorkelling session.
And a mixed-race couple in which one person is black often brings out the worst kind of racism.
At times she ignored the comments, but when she did try to fight back, some men found the aggression titillating: “! )” At play here is the stereotype that men from the West are interested in women mainly for sexual gratification.
By extension, the Indian women they are with must be promiscuous.
A lawyer whose services I was seeking for a few marriage-related formalities started by giving me a sermon on running a background check on the man I wanted to marry because “you never know how these s are.” I didn’t call on her again.
Probably every woman in India has one story about having been subject to lecherous looks as she has walked down the street. The male gaze turns more brazen by several orders of magnitude.